The Stork Conception Aid: A Giveaway!

***CONGRATULATIONS to DANIELLE, winner of the Stork Conception Aid. Thanks to all who entered!***

While we were trying to conceive K, I did more research than I thought possible. I read about every home remedy, every possible tip and trick, every available resource to help me get pregnant faster. I visited a naturopath, talked to everyone at the health food store, read a dozen books about increasing fertility, and tried every possible yoga position to help sperm get where it needed to be. Fertility treatments are expensive. Our initial intake appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist was $250 out of pocket, and every visit, test and procedure after that just added to the bill. The naturopath we saw was partially covered by insurance, but we were still paying about $200/month after insurance for supplements and visits. And we were lucky; had we proceeded with monitored cycles, IUI or IVF, it would have caused even more financial strain on our marriage. Many are willing to accept these costs as part of expanding their families; its often a necessary ‘evil’ to getting where you’d like to be. Though I didn’t try cervical cap insemination (nor did I really know much about it), I’d heard of several friends using a Diva Cup after sex to…hold everything up there. It made perfect sense; it gave sperm and egg a better chance of meeting up. When you’re dealing with low sperm count, motility issues, pH level problems, or issues with timing ovulation, anything that provides assistance is (in my opinion) a great idea. Though I’m currently pregnant with a ‘surprise’ baby, and though it seems as though our struggles with infertility are behind us, there is certainly a place in my heart for those who are still struggling. When I was approached by Influence Canada to write about a new conception aid on the market, The Stork, I jumped at the chance. I know that, had this campaign come around three years ago, I would have given it a try immediately. So what is The Stork? Its a product, based on cervical cap insemination, that was approved by Health Canada in 2013. The technique used makes sure that sperm is placed at the opening of the cervix, exactly where it needs to be to optimize chances of conception. According to the stats issued by the company, using cervical cap insemination has a 20% success rate; a rate comparable to the success rates of IUI. Obviously, the circumstances are a little different, but the results seem to be fairly good. The nice thing about The Stork is that its drug-free, safe, and cost-effective (especially compared to some of the other procedures). Its a great first step before starting assistive reproductive treatments. There’s a video link here that demonstrates how The Stork works, but the concept is fairly straightforward. The ‘cap’ is filled with sperm (however you see fit), and you use a tampon-like applicator to place it as close to the cervix as possible. You leave it in for 4-6 hours, then remove and dispose (like a tampon). Its certainly a better alternative to lying in bed with your hips propped up (which is exactly what I did for ages). That being said, what do you think? Is it something you’d try, or just a little too ‘out-there’ for you? If it sounds like its up your alley, here’s your chance to give it a try! Along with Influence Central, I’m hosting a giveaway! You can enter here! The deadline is April 23, 2015.

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And, if you’re interested in winning even more, check out the Social Media contest that Influence Central is hosting! By being engaged with The Stork across different social platforms, you have the chance to win a Night Out (for 2), valued at about $500. I know I’m entering…check it out here. Disclosure: I am part of The Stork at-home conception aid campaign with Influence Central and I receive special perks as part of my affiliation with this group.  The opinions on this blog are my own.

Surprise!

After dealing with the roller coaster that is pregnancy after infertility, I fully expected to wait another several years before trying again for a baby. I knew it would take strength to prepare myself for month after month of disappointment, and I didn’t know how I would handle that with a toddler running around.

Following much discussion over the holidays, we set our tentative start date for our fifth wedding anniversary, the first of May. We would have the next five months to lose the weight we wanted, save the money we were hoping, and get ourselves into a better mental state for the trying process. My cycles were regular for the first time in years, and I didn’t want to mess that up by going on the pill. So I was tracking my cycles using a few different phone apps, we were avoiding my ‘fertile’ week, and I figured we were good to go.

Did you know that sometimes with PCOS (and other fertility issues), pregnancy can act as a reset button? And did you know that one slight slip up, days after you were SUPPOSED to be ovulating, can result in pregnancy (even though two years of carefully timed sex led to nothing?)

I was assuming that weaning K was the reason that my cycle was a little bit off in January. But when I was a day or two late, I tested. The test was stark white, and I broke down crying. I knew we weren’t ready for a baby, I knew that the timing wasn’t right (we hadn’t saved enough, I was still 10lbs over pre-pregnancy weight), but at the same time, I was heartbroken that this wonky cycle wasn’t due to pregnancy. But then, several days later, when my cycle still hadn’t ended, I took another test. And within two minutes, two blue lines stared back at me.

Despite our plans to wait, God had other ideas for our family.

I’m in shock, completely overwhelmed and absolutely thrilled. While we plan, God laughs (or so the saying goes). I’ve had a little time now to adjust to the idea, and while I’m terrified of what having two kids is going to be like, I’m so excited to see K as a big sister, and I’m excited to see what kind of family dynamic we will have as four instead of three. I’m looking forward to new baby snuggles and tiny clothes and nursing again.

I’m worried about lack of sleep. Forget sleeping while baby sleeps when there’s a toddler running around. What about naps? What about bedtimes? Am I ever going to get time alone? I’m thinking about double the baby laundry, and twice as many diapers, and more STUFF. What if this baby’s a boy? I don’t know what to do with a boy!

And yet, I find that place of calm. I breathe, and know that God has a plan. I was terrified about having one baby, and that turned out wonderfully. I know life with this baby will be just as great. So before I turn to my list-making and Excel-chart planning, I’m just going to relax and enjoy what the next eight months have to bring. I will have to be a lot more intentional when it comes to enjoying this pregnancy, because its so easy to get carried away with the everyday goings-on of life. And seeing as this is most likely our last baby, I want to make every moment count.

NIAW: Faith Through Infertility

In honour of National Infertility Awareness Week, put on by the incredible RESOLVE.org, I’m posting a few articles about our journey with infertility over the last 3 years. Though we have our precious little girl now, the dark days of infertility are ones that will forever be imprinted on our hearts and minds.

I don’t post much about my faith. And yet, it permeates everything I do and every moment of my life. When we first decided to start trying to expand our family, we prayed for God’s hand in timing. He had brought us through every other major event in our lives; why would having a baby be any different? I prayed that the baby would be healthy, that I wouldn’t have too much morning sickness, that our finances would be in order. I never thought to pray about actually getting pregnant.

Like so many other women, I just assumed that once we started trying, pregnancy would happen soon (if not immediately). At 22, I never expected to have any problems. Isn’t the whole point of high school health class to instill the fear of pregnancy in you? Look at a boy, and you’ll be knocked up before you can say ‘prom night’. And yet, here I was, married and ready, and the first pregnancy test I took was negative.

So I continued to pray for God’s timing. I continued to have faith that when it was supposed to happen, I would get pregnant. And, I continued to be convinced that any day now, the obsessive peeing on sticks would result in the positive I wanted so badly.

Though its easy to tell the world that you have faith, internally it is much harder to keep that faith when things don’t go your way. Though I told God that I trusted his timing, what I really meant was that I trusted that he would do what I wanted, when I wanted it. By the sixth month of trying without success, I began to lose heart. I grew frustrated that God was telling me ‘no’. I grew angry with people who told me ‘It will happen when it is supposed to’. And I grew increasingly more bitter with those who seemed to get pregnant by accident.

As the months dragged by, as doctors and nurses and reproductive endocrinologists insisted there was nothing really wrong with us, I turned to God again, demanding to know when exactly this baby would be given to us. After all, so many (well-meaning but ignorant) people I knew insisted that a woman’s sole purpose was to bear children. And yet, somehow, I was reassured that, despite our circumstances, we would be parents one day. It may be through treatments, it may be through adoption or foster parenting, but one day, we would have a child.

There are so many cases of infertility in the Bible. Sarah and Abraham were unable to conceive for decades; it wasn’t until they were both very old that they were granted a son. Elizabeth and Zechariah were barren, until finally an angel came to visit them, and John the Baptist was born. Rachel was unable to have children for a long time, until again God came through and gave her sons. But the most notable and heart-wrenching story (in my opinion) is that of Hannah. A complete view of infertility is given; we read about her hurt, her longing, her desperation. Haven’t thousands of infertile women made drastic promises to God? Haven’t many of us poured our hearts out in tears at the feet of our Creator? And Hannah’s words, when Samuel was given to her, are words that sustained me through my journey.

If these women could have children, despite the odds that were stacked against them, why couldn’t I? Isn’t our God the God of miracles? I had been shown so many times before that His timing was better than the timing I could have come up with on my own. A five year plan is only as good as your ability to see into the future. As I continued to pray, as I kept believing that one day we would have a baby, I realized that I was making motherhood my idol. I was literally worshipping the idea of being a mom; to the point where it consumed every waking moment of my life. I spent hundreds of dollars on books, supplements, appointments, apps, and research. The only time I connected with God was to insist he provide me with an answer to my infertility. And it was at that point that I realized my priorities were all wrong. J and I could be a family now; we didn’t have to wait for a baby. We could buy a house, we could start new jobs, we could go on vacations – there were literally dozens of memories to be made that didn’t involve a baby.

It was this healing, this realization that my infertility did not define me, that allowed me to move on. That allowed me to take some time away from my obsessive charting, temperature taking, and research. It allowed me to reconnect with J, and to restore my relationship with God. I focused on getting myself in a healthy place (mentally, physically, spiritually). And, in the truest sense of the word, I had faith that God’s plan for my life was better than what I could plan for my life.

And so, twenty three months after we began our journey, I stared down a positive pregnancy test. As I write this, three and a half years after that story began, my daughter is sleeping in her crib a few feet away. And whether you agree with me or not, whether your faith is intact or shattered, I believe that God’s plan is the best plan for our lives. This is not to say that if you are dealing with infertility its because God wants it that way. But he is able to work through that pain to accomplish miracles.

The Stockings Were Hung…

I’m writing as I’m cozied up by the fire, mug of hot chocolate in hand, plate of Snickersnaps beside me and sleeping baby in her swing. The lights of the Christmas tree sparkle and reflect off the icy windows. I don’t have anywhere to go today, and I’m not planning to change out of my pyjamas. Christmas is two days away, and I can’t help but be excited.

K is finally here with us, after several Christmases of wondering if we would ever have a baby of our own. She’s oblivious to the holiday around her; all she knows is that she’s not allowed to chew on the spiky, shiny green plant in the corner (or all of the coloured balls that hang from it). But our family knows; we’re all so excited to celebrate with her.

I know that so many of you are still waiting for your little ones. You’re still wondering if there’s ever going to be another stocking hanging from the fireplace. My heart goes out to you this holiday season; I’m sure you’re anxiously avoiding the dozens of questions and careless remarks that come when people are just genuinely curious (but oblivious to your situation). Infertility doesn’t take the day off for Christmas. Know that you’re in my prayers.

Signing off for 2013 – I hope you all have a great holiday and fantastic New Year’s. We’ll see you on the flip side.

One Year Ago…

November 28, 2012 (an excerpt from my journal):

Just when I thought I had Your plan all figured out, Lord, You change it and surprise me with something better than I could ever have imagined.

After 22 months of taking temperatures, counting days and wishing away weeks, after trips to the doctor, the naturopath and the fertility clinic, after giving up control of the situation and letting God take care of it all…after all of that…

I’m finally pregnant.

One year ago today, I found out I was pregnant. One year ago today, I started dreaming about the precious little bundle that I am now holding in my arms. I couldn’t have imagined the love that I have for her; I couldn’t have imagined what a perfect addition to our family she would be.

Though Kennedy is only three months old, in my mind, its a birthday of sorts. The first anniversary of our victory over infertility. The first birthday of our baby…not celebrated with cake or candles, but through a simple re-posting of a journal entry from that day. I can’t believe how far we’ve come in a year.

ICLW Welcome!

If you’ve stopped in for ICLW, welcome to my little corner of the Internet. The infertility/adoption/loss community has been so incredibly supportive, and I am thrilled to ‘meet’ some of you and hear your stories. I wish it could have been under different circumstances.

A little about me: I was married at 21, and when I kicked the hormonal birth control just after my 22nd birthday, I never dreamed we would have troubles conceiving. What 22 year old even thinks about infertility? After a year of trying on our own (charting, temping, OPKs), I headed for the doctor.

I was diagnosed with PCOS in spring of 2012, and told that losing 50lbs would solve my problems. Not willing to take this as my only solution (from a small town doc who didn’t know what to do with me), I sought naturopathic help.

After 23 months TTC, a 25lb weight loss, a ton of prayer and a whack of naturopathic supplements, I got pregnant in November of 2012. We welcomed our baby girl in August of this year, and I couldn’t be happier.

Though I’m on the “other side” of infertility, my journey sticks with me, and my heart breaks for those of you dealing with similar situations. I will always be a member of the ALI community, and am so grateful for the people I’ve met along the way.

So thanks for stopping by. Leave a comment, like on Facebook, follow on Twitter, or shoot me an email. I’d love to meet you!

PAIL Blog: Birth Stories (October’s theme)

The monthly blog-post theme on the PAIL Blog this month is ‘Birth Stories’. Not just ‘This is what happened, and then I gave birth’, but more specifically how our individual birth stories impacted our lives. While I’m still processing (its only been two months!), here’s what I came up with.

When I signed up for midwife care, I knew that I was signing up for a medication-free birth; or, at least, an attempted medication-free birth. At ten weeks pregnant, that seemed like a completely logical, completely attainable goal, and I didn’t give it another thought.

By twenty-five weeks pregnant, I had made my way through Ina May Gaskin’s Guide to Childbirth, and I felt empowered. Women had been having intervention-free births since the beginning of time, and as a woman, my body was created for just this purpose. I was calm, I was capable, and I was built for such a time as this.

By thirty-four weeks pregnant, I had completed my childbirth classes and hired a doula. I wasn’t just confident, I was prepared. I felt completely ready to use my breathing exercises, visualization techniques, prayers, and kick-ass birth playlist to rock this birth. I was ready to tackle labour head-on, and I didn’t give pain relief a second thought.

By forty-four hours into intense, gut-wrenching back-labour, I knew that all of the breathing techniques and Bible verses in the world would not help me through this. I knew that, despite being made to give birth, and despite all of my preparations, I could not endure one more minute of labour on my own. So began a cascade of interventions, and I delivered my beautiful daughter two full days after going into labour.

Do I regret my decision to request an epidural? Absolutely not. For me, it was completely necessary. I was so tired, so worn out, so emotionally sapped, that the pain relief (despite how brief) was the only thing that got me through. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything by not going med-free. I don’t see myself as less of a woman because I couldn’t manage completely on my own. And I have no regrets about the situation (except that I *may* have requested the gas a little sooner. And would definitely have brought along more bottles of Gatorade).

Though I have no regrets, though there is nothing about my labour I would change, it has had some lasting effects. I’m honestly researching PTSD, because the impact of the situation is that great. The idea of ever doing it again terrifies me. Thinking about another baby sends me into a spiral of anxiety. I have dreams about being in labour, and wake up horrified that its not over.

But then I snuggle my baby, and know that she was worth it. Every day with her is worth the forty one weeks and forty eight hours it took to get her here. Every day erases the sting of infertility a little more. And I know that I’m blessed to have this opportunity. I know that there are women all over the world who would gladly take my two days of labour if it meant that they had a little one of their own.

So I thank God instead of panicking. And I hug my girl a little bit closer, instead of getting carried away. And I know that everything is going to be all right.

Creme de la Creme 2013

The 2013 Creme de la Creme List (from the Stirrup Queens’ Blog Roll) has opened for submissions, and they’re calling for the best blog posts of 2013. If you have a blog post that you wrote and LOVE (whether anyone else loves it or not), head on over to the CDLC 2013 page and submit it. Then, in January, the list goes live, with the best Adoption/Infertility/Loss posts of the year.

Head on over there, submit your post, and come January, we’ll all have a bunch of new blogs to follow!

NIAW Advocacy Day

April 22-28 is National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW). Today, April 25, is Advocacy Day, sponsored by Resolve: The National Infertility Association.

I’m not American, and this organization is US-based, but that doesn’t mean I can’t encourage you all to check out Resolve and spread the word about infertility. This year’s NIAW theme is “Don’t Ignore Infertility.” I encourage you all to stand up and take notice of infertility, and stop ignoring the hurt and pain that it brings people. Even if its as simple as this; posting a link to Resolve on your blog, or recognizing NIAW in a Facebook status.

Don’t ignore infertility. It gets swept under the rug the other 51 weeks of the year; lets advocate for ourselves and our future children.

Options

I had an appointment at the fertility clinic last week, and I was a little overwhelmed (and excited) with the options. After J’s test results had come back great, I figured it was time to take the next step; get our options figured out.

The intake nurse was great. She asked a million questions, found out all about our history, and explained about the next steps that were available. It was awesome to have someone knowledgeable actually listen to me, rather than just assure me that because I’m young, I have plenty of time to worry about getting pregnant (thanks, family doctor).

So, what’s our plan of action? To start with, she wants to monitor my cycles. I’ll go three or four times in my cycle for blood tests and ultrasounds to see what my body is doing. They’ll also give us a ‘practice’ schedule, so we know that we’re getting our timing right.

Once we do a few cycles of that, at $135 a pop, we have two options (that is, unless I’m pregnant by then). The first would be to go on medication and see if that helps. They use Femara as opposed to Clomid, because apparently Clomid causes wicked mood swings. I’d like to avoid that, if possible. The second option would be to do an IUI. J isn’t sold on that idea; its another $300, and it adds only a 5-10% chance to each cycle. Its also a little more invasive than we were hoping…so it’ll be a decision to make when/if we get there.

Hopefully, we won’t even have to consider those options, and maybe this cycle monitoring will be just the thing we need. That, and a whole whack of faith.